This particular neighbour sees me as a quiet and private individual, which I think is very true. Another also thinks I am “very quiet”. All these gives me the feeling I am constantly watched when I’m near home. Lol.

Now, there’s always a reason why I do anything. I would usually consider the bigger picture before I execute any kind of obvious actions. These actions would always reflect on my behavior. I know “who are we to judge other individual” kind of theory, but I believe everyone starts judging the moment we meet some other guy / girl. So don’t blame me, I am never perfect anyway.

So, why am I not greeting them? Let’s do some case scenarios that actually happened.

1) This 7th floor neighbour, quite close with his sons and the family is quite nice actually. The other day I was in the lift with the father.

- i said hi, the father didn’t acknowledge.
- he asked me whether I am working, said 你会赚钱了吗？ what kind of a question is that.
- proceeds to ask me whether I am studying. Said his sons still got a freaking long way.
- some more weird shit but I couldn’t recall everything

Everything happened as “weirdly” as it can get. Its just one of the fiaking intense awkward situation where you want to escape as soon as possible.

2) This other neighbour, I always see her when I come home or go to work. I avoid her. Yes you heard me right, avoid. Ask me questions in the lift or at bus stops which inevitably leads to awkward silences. What’s the point in continuing a conversation like this? Or maybe from the start I didn’t feel like talking to her already.

My stand is very simple. If I can foresee not being able to hold any conversation with you in the future, I would rather remain silent then continue on talking until it leds to an awkward moment. I don’t like to act like I’m all friendly. What’s more, I’m not a morning / evening kind of person. You won’t wanna talk to me at these times of the day.

And if I say hi to you once, I’m gonna have to greet you everytime I bump into you.

Well maybe its just because its “its” doing. You’re in a class of your own now. Try and improve it. By the way, in the army I also had the same fucking problem just that it was my bed rather than anything else.

So maybe its just time to mess around with stuff and all, so that there will not be space when they need it.

And yeah, I’m definitely a bloody piece of petty crap if you noticed.

I noticed this about myself, when I am sort of busy in a way I don’t like to be disturbed. I get really irritated and you can actually hear from my tone. Everyday I set small targets to hit, if I don’t accomplish them I get frustrated.

I can also control stuff coming out from my mouth. I can choose to say the not so pleasant stuff (all the time I know what to say on these things) just that most of the time I keep quiet. If I am busy and really need some form of help I’ll definitely ask, if not when I say I’m fine this is a more subtle way of doing a “please fuck off from here”.

I don’t like it when people question how I work if I already know myself this is the best possible way at that moment. The time spent halal-ing and explaining why I do those stuff is enough to finish what I must do. I see it as a total waste of time just arguing with you what is the best possible method of executing.

So as proven yesterday, I could finish more of my work because? Because I stfu and do my stuff. Sometimes really, all we need to do is drink hot cup of shut the fuck up and do it.

I’m sorry, its just this niggling feeling I have to get it. This is something you know if you talk back things will turn ugly. What’s more I might need more of his help in the future so hey lanlan!

But in a way yeah, thanks! At least I understand a bit more of myself